After rescuing Australian hopes again, the nation agrees that Tim Cahill is good as fuck.

Last night in Sydney, the Socceroos faced football powerhouse Syria in a crucial World Cup qualifier. After conceding a goal quicker than it took the crowd to find their seats, it was up to striker, Tim Cahill to rescue the team again. After a somewhat lacklustre A-league record, Cahil won over Australian fans again with two vital goals to advance the Socceroos.




Not even playing for Melbourne City could dampen Australia’s love for the striker. Fans spoke of Cahill’s heroics after the match to anybody who would listen. “He is good as fuck, ay”, said a fan who had been drinking overpriced beers since Syria’s sixth-minute goal. Another fan commented that “nobody since Monica Lewinsky has achieved this much with their head”.

Socceroos coach, Ange Postecoglou, will take a sabbatical from the position and search Florida for the Fountain of youth. Postecoglou told reporters after the match that he has his sights on “playing (Cahill) up front in the 2030 World Cup”. “If I don’t have time I will send Australian reserve players like Danny Vokovic, Nikita Rukavytsya, and Aaron Mooy”.


Tim Cahill celebrates equaliser against Syria

What is next for Cahill and the Socceroos?

The Socceroos will face a CONCACAF side for a spot in the World Cup. The most likely opponents will be either be the USA, Panama, or Honduras. The match is expected to be the most any nation has tried to get into Russia for forty years.